LEOAFFAIRS Does my job for me.

 This was posted today on LEOAFFAIRS, an anonymous web site where people can let off steam about Law Enforcement issues.  It's a satirical take off on my last post about "How to Spend Money If You're A Government"

I decided to post it below in its entirety because well, unlike the poster, I don't hide.  

NBV Gross Reality

by Kev » 05/19/13 09:12:08

How to Spend the Money If You're a Government
We're at the time of year when we've spent the money from the fiscal year's budget and previously un-budgeted items are taking center stage. These usually represent unforeseen demands on services that require attention.

North Bay Village has been disciplined with approaching these and I think it's time to look at the process. It's pretty straightforward. For every time a resolution is brought up, the resolution should answer the following questions:

• Is the Item Budgeted?
• If not, why not?
• What is the source of the money, because it’s not coming from me?
• Can the budget support the item?
• When will the item be accrued? Who really cares?
• When will the money be distributed to me, I mean my childrens board?
• What is the impact on future budgets? Who really cares?
• What happens if the item is not approved now?
• What happens if I constantly act the fool?
• Why do I walk around all day with out a job?
• Where are my glasses?
• I knew I should have moved to Coconut Grove.
• What the hell color is my car.
• Who is going to pick up all the dead squirrels in my yard.
• You know squirrels are good eating? Never mind, don’t pick them up, I’ll get them.
These are standard issue municipal budget questions. As a routine, they bring clarity to the questions and keep them focused on the impact and the questions. Scotty Beam me up.

Simple example. Let's say a commissioner wants a single middle aged male to head its Youth and Education Services Board. (Not do to my knowledge can I explain why I would do this.) There is no reason for this. Well, if we answer this question and many more like this we will figure what is really behind the green curtain.

• The item is not budgeted.
• There was no need for the Farmers Market, but hey we all need bread.
• It will costs $5,000 from the General Reserve Fund. And much more.
• $5,000 is 1% of the Reserve and will have low impact.
• The Money will be distributed in August.
• There is no impact for next year.
• If we don't fix the stop signs, or the lunatics that walk around, cars will continue to crash into each other and the village will look messy. Then NASA won't move it's Moon Base here.
If you know that, then you can decide what to do.

But usually the commission doesn't know that. Staff should provide it but they are not asked to. I am hoping that at next week's meeting, where there will be several items for disbursement, both budgeted and not budgeted, that the commissioners will ask these questions and if there are no answers, don't move ahead. And if there are answers, then argue the value of Moon rocks to fuel our cars.

Kevins Very Sicker

This one is a better job than the stuff I usually get since it contains correctly spelled words and the original poster, hiding safely behind his burqa, shows basic cut and paste skills, so props for that.

My blog has and has always had an open policy. While it's weird to pick on a particular fiscal technicality as a point of satire, if the original poster would like to blog here, I'm open.  Feel free to do a point by point take down.  I get more hits than LeoAffairs so more people will see it. 

Two points of fact I feel I should comment on:  

1.)  I have always known what color my car is.  That's a strange remark.  

2.)  I often lose my glasses.  Caught me.  

The rest is just an attempt to discredit by stating the obvious or the irrelevant.  Except the squirrels.  What's up with the squirrels?

What do you think?  

Kevin Vericker

May 19, 2013